Stephanie Plum

Stephanie Plum is novelist Janet Evanovich’s bounty hunter heroine.  I started reading this series a few months ago, waiting for John Grisham’s latest to come out in paperback.  I have about two dozen books sitting on my shelves that I took from my mother’s collection that I’ve wanted to read, but since starting the Plum series, they will have to wait.

John Grisham, I may have already mentioned, is my favorite writer.  But, since I’ve already titled this post, “Stephanie Plum,” I’ll write about his books later (I don’t think I have, yet, have I?)  But, I’ve read all but the latest because I buy them and don’t want to pay for the hard cover… paperbacks fit nicely in my purse, too.

The Stephanie Plum series was recommended to me by my sisters-in-law several months ago.  The two of them also got me watching “Sex and the City” so I trust their recommendations   These books are funny.  It took me a while to get used to reading a funny novel… John Grisham books are usually on the dramatic side… with the exception of “Skipping Christmas” which I didn’t like… maybe now that I’ve been reading funny novels, I should re-read that one.

This series starts out with “One for the Money” which of course introduces all the characters that will be throughout all the books.  Stephanie, the bounty hunter, gets herself into a lot of sticky situations.  Almost like Lucy Ricardo might if she were a bounty hunter… although Stephanie’s “Ethel” is a plus-sized, black ex-hooker named Lula.  Stephanie also has a love interest (or two).  The man who she’s bounty-hunting turns out to be one of them.  The other is another bounty hunter and her mentor, sort of.  She lives near her parents in Trenton, New Jersey.  Her father is not-quite Archie Bunker, her mother is not-quite Marion Cunnningham, and her grandmother (who lives with Stephanie’s parents) is nowhere near a typical eighty-year old (actually, if her age has been mentioned, I don’t remember, but I imagine she’s between 75 and 80). She also has other recurring characters: her boss (and cousin) Vinnie, Connie the receptionist, a couple of cops, neighbors, her best friend, and her archenemy.

I went to the author’s web page the other day for the first time.  You can go there and put in your suggestion for the name of her next book.  They go in order by number… One for the Money, Two for the Dough, Three to Get Deadly, Four to Score, etc.  She just published Fearless Fourteen.  If you suggest the name of her next one and she chooses it, you get a free signed copy of the book and she thanks you on the acknowledgement page.  I won’t tell you my suggestion, and I’ll probably be one of many who suggest it, but I think I have a good chance! 

I’m only on Seven Up.  I’ve been getting them out of the library.  I’ve been reading a lot more frequently… in the summer I tend to do that because there’s not so much on TV.  The library has most of them in paperback and my library card is good for all the libraries in the four surrounding counties, so I have two places to go within three miles of my house and many others not too much farther.  

As I’ve been reading, of course I try to picture the characters.  I found a web page where people posted suggestions for casting the movie (I don’t think there’s a movie in the works currently, but if there was…)  The first suggestion for Stephanie was Sandra Bullock.  She is who I imagined Stephanie to be right from the start, but in reality, if they made a movie at this point, I think the actress is a little too old for the character, unfortunately, because about ten years ago she’d be perfect.  Other suggestions I saw that I agreed would be very good were Rachel McAdams, Amanda Peet (I LOVE her!), Debra Messing, Evangeline Lilly,  and Drew Barrymore. 

These are the actors I would pick for some of the other main characters in casting this series in the movies:

Joe Morelli:  Mark Wahlberg

Grandma Mazur: Cloris Leachman

Ranger: The Rock (I thought definitely Vin Diesel, but he’s too old), or Adrian Paul (I don’t know this actor, but someone suggested him and his look is right for it, I think)

 

Lula: Sherri Shepherd (this is exactly who I picture Lula to be) Not Queen Latifa… she is way too cool to be this character, unfortunately.

 

Vinnie: Jon Lovitz or Steve Buscemi

 

Joyce: Jennifer Esposito or Alyssa Milano (but Joyce is supposed to be blonde)

 

That’s enough.  They had suggestions for the roles of Mr and Mrs Plum, Mooner, and some other characters, but these are the ones I care about being just right.  Lots of suggestions for Joe Morelli, but when I think of Amanda Peet and Mark Wahlberg, my heart races…LOL!

 

I would love to hear other suggestions.

 

 

Another Venture

I can’t believe I’m doing this again.  Long ago, before I was married, when I first moved back home to be with my then fiance, I had three jobs. One was full time at JC Penney, one was part time at a hotel in the evenings, and the other was part time in direct sales for Jewels by Park Lane.  My sister-in-law had just started selling it and roped me in.  I only stuck with it a few months, but I liked the jewelry.

Then, a few years later, I tried AVON.  I gave that up even more quickly.  I never tried very hard.  I worked in an office with about twenty women, so I figured just leaving the book in the break room was enough effort to make some kind of money.  The problem I had was that you had to have a certain dollar amount ordered to get the 50% discount for your own stuff, so when I didn’t, I would buy some things at regular price to get up to that level and then I would order more with my discount.  I ended up spending too much. I still love AVON though.

Next was PartyLite.  I had a show for Pam when she first got into the business.  I year later I had another and decided I’d try it myself.  It was really fun.  I made a lot of friends and enjoyed going to the meetings and conferences.  It could have been really good money if I was better at it though.  I got sick of asking people to book shows.  I’d have a few periods where I had shows one after another but  mostly it was slow going for me.  I found out that my brother was dead the same day as I had the worst show of my four years.  The hostess invited tons of people and they all showed up! She lived on the second floor of her building and I took tons of stuff, lugged it up the stairs, set it all up, did my demonstration, gave the hostess a really nice thank you gift, and got zero orders.  Everyone loved the candles! Nobody bought a single thing.  I had to pack everything up with a smile, lug it all back down the stairs to my car, go home, and find out my brother was dead.  I tried to stay with it for another six months or so, but never got back in the groove.

That was nine years ago… WOW! It doesn’t seem that long.  Pam’s been trying all this time to get me to come back.  For a while she would ask, then she stopped for a while, knowing I was not interested.  I think she knew that if I was, I would let her know.  Every once in a blue moon, when I’d complain about my job, she’d mention PartyLite. I always had a show in January… every year for the past six (I think) years.  I even went to a couple of the unit meetings and regionals, but I never got that itch back.

A few weeks ago Pam called to let me know that she was looking into Jewels by Park Lane.  A few of the higher ups in PartyLite were jumping ship to go with Park Lane.  I guess PartyLite changed over the past few years.  They’ve had a couple new presidents and although there have been improvements in some areas, probably some things either went downhill or just got old.  At any rate, Pam’s interest was sparked when she heard people close to her in PartyLite were selling Park Lane.  Some are selling both, some tried to sell both and were fired from PartyLite, and some just decided Park Lane was the one to do.   When Pam called me, she asked me to join her on a trip to Long Island to go to a Park Lane meeting.  I told her I would be happy to go, but I don’t want to sell anything.  We ended up not going to the meeting due to a schedule confliction, but Pam decided to try it out anyway.  I told her I would do a show for her, of course.  She had her starter show, which I went to and helped her set up a little and stuff.  When I saw the little tote bag that had her entire kit in it, I got thinking.  I could make 30% of anything I sell, I don’t have to invest anything because I’m having a show anyway and if that is $500, it pays for my kit.  If I fail, I’m not out anything.  So, I asked her a couple questions and went home and talked to my husband.  The next day I asked her, “How do I get my kit?”

I’m really excited, but at the same time afraid that I won’t like it.  I had my starter show and everyone likes the jewelry, especially me.  But, it wasn’t $500, so I did end up putting money into it.  I told myself that I will at least stick with it until I make that investment back.  That shouldn’t take long and in the meantime, I may just love it!  I did love PartyLite for about three of the four years I sold it.  I remember saying that if we won Lotto, I would quit my full time job and just sell PartyLite for fun.  After that feeling went away and for the years since then, I would cringe when I thought about selling PartyLite again.  Why am I getting back into this type of business again?  It was that little black bag.

Ozzy

I was looking at some other blogs recently… I’m not a real blog surfer, but checked out a few… and one thing mine lacks is pictures.  I added pictures to quite a few of my posts last year, but that kind of fizzled out lately.  My favorite post of mine is the one called PEEEEAAAKK!!!. I have dozens of pictures of autumn leaves in my local area of upstate New York. You should check it out.  It should be under October 2007.  Now it’s summer and I don’t think I took any pictures at all of winter or spring.  Oh well, maybe next year.

But, I have a picture of my son’s new snake:

A lot of people are so afraid of snakes that they won’t even look at a picture of one!  Well, maybe not a lot of people, but I know at least one.  But, our snake is really cool.  His name is Ozzy, after THE Ozzy.  He’s a Mexican Rosy Boa.  He doesn’t do much when he’s in his cage, but if you take him out, as you can see in the picture, he likes to explore. 

Here’s another picture of the adventures of Ozzy (NO! Not THAT Ozzy):

Pretty cute, huh? Maybe “cute” isn’t the word most would use. 

Ozzy does not bite.  That’s a good thing, right?  He hugs, isn’t that nice?

As a mom, people wonder how I can allow an animal such as this in my home.  The only thing I can say is that when we got a dog, I knew I would be the one ultimately responsible for its care.  But, when asked about getting a snake, I washed my hands of it.  If it gets out and runs away or dies, it is not my responsibility.  If they don’t feed him and he starves to death, it is not my responsibility.  If he is a she and has babies, my kids better find good homes for them… I have nothing to do with it (except to take pictures once in a while).

The worst part about having a snake is that it eats mice.  My kids have to feed him a mouse every week or two. That’s pretty gross, yet interesting, to watch.  But, my husband goes to the pet store and buys frozen mice and they have to be warmed up in hot water before feeding.  Otherwise, the snake will know it is dead and won’t eat it.  They take the thawed and warmed up mouse by the tail with tongs and dangle him in front of the snakes nose.  He suddenly grabs him and squeezes the “life” out of him.  Then, when he’s ready, he unlocks his jaw and swallows the little guy whole.  YUCKY!  But, then you get to see the mouse slowly being swallowed since he is about twice as big around as the snake.  That’s kinda interesting.

Ozzy lives in a “cage”, a glass tank with a screen top clamped down, to keep him in, of course.  He has a heat lamp that’s on all the time.  He is a desert snake so he has to stay warm… although it’s plenty warm without it right now.  He doesn’t need much water.  I’ve never seen him drink. 

A couple of years ago we had a baby snake, the same breed as Ozzy.  Her/his name was Rosy. I think we had her about two weeks, maybe a month, and she escaped.  She didn’t have the clamps on her cage, but we didn’t think she was big enough to get the top off, but I guess we were wrong cuz she is GONE!  For a few weeks after that, none of our friends would visit us.  Go figure!

Our pet doesn’t follow commands or do tricks or even know his name, but the best part is I don’t have to take care of him.

I’m going to try to put pictures up more often.  I hope you return to see them.

Peace.

Women & Men in Film

This is one of the best things I’ve gotten in an email!

Check this out… it is so cool!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEc4YWICeXk&feature=related

Here’s one of the men:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRdzkSP9ewY

If you look, you’ll find the lists of names.

Sex and the City (2008) ***

I have been eagerly anticipating the release of this movie for quite a while. I just started watching the HBO series about 18 months ago and was hooked. So, the fact that I waited three full weeks after its release may surprise people, but I had a pretty good reason. Besides the fact that I’ve had some full weekends during June, I was waiting for my friend Pam.

Pam is my friend with whom I see most movies. Sometimes I go with my husband, sometimes my kids, and sometimes all by myself, but mostly with Pam. Earlier in the week, before the movie came out, Pam and I went to see… uuuummmm… I don’t remember… but anyway, she told me she had never watched Sex and the City. She gets HBO, so I don’t know why she had never seen it, but at that point I told her, “You have got to watch at least a few episodes on HBO on Demand. Then, we’ll go see the movie. You’ll love the show!” And I know that she would. So, I gave her a few weeks. The other day she told me she and her sisters planned to go see the movie today and asked me to come along. My father, step-mother, and sister had already seen it and my father told me that my sister never watched the show and hated the movie. My step-mother and Dad did watch the show and loved the movie. So, I was a little worried about Pam.

I needn’t have. Pam is not my sister. She loved it as much as I did. I think the reason I liked it so much is the love I have for every single one of the characters and I really missed them. Their personalities haven’t really changed after five years… Carrie was a little less humorous in the movie, but she had a good excuse. And Big was a little more sensitive than in the series, but it’s obvious that he’s in love, so that explains that.

This movie was everything I was hoping it would be. There were quite a few hilarious lines and situations… Pam has a laugh better described as a cackle that everyone in the theater heard several times over the movie dialogue. There were some really good sex scenes… nothing too serious… most just to keep up with the series’ style. And we cried a lot as well.

I love Kristen Davis. When Charlotte was mad at Big, you KNEW it.

I love Steve. He’s just so adorable.

I love Samantha. But, hers was the only storyline I wasn’t really satisfied with. She’s a terrific friend to Carrie, though. I love how supportive they all are to each other. I have some good friends… GREAT friends, but I don’t think I’ve ever been as close to anyone as those four are.

One other disappointment, but not a biggie, was Stanford’s limited appearance in the movie. Did he even speak? I don’t remember.

The one character new to the movie was Loiuse, played by the fantastic Jennifer Hudson. Her character was really cool. I was going to say unnecessary, but that’s not really true. And her song at the closing credits sounded sensational!… Maybe another Oscar for her! (If she wrote it, that is).

The movie was quite lengthy, but I could have sat there another two hours if they wanted to make it that long. I’m not saying it was technically a great theatrical masterpiece, but for a chick-flick, it was very entertaining. I had a great time watching the old gang… Let’s have another one next year!

So long, Spark

It was a sad day, but we had to get rid of our dog. I hate to say it, but things are much less stressful since.

It happened about two weeks ago…but, probably should have been done sooner than that. Sparky had bitten quite a few people. I can think of at least 10… two of them were serious. Even the ones that weren’t serious were painful, though. It seems I always kind of defended him each time. He was being protective… or thought he was anyway. Now I know better… that protecting us from our friends, or even strangers, when we aren’t in danger is not a good reason to bite anyone. His other reason was sometimes what I think they call “food aggression”. That’s not good either because if you’re taking away his dog food, that’s one thing, but if he’s into something he shouldn’t have, that’s another.

Dog bites aside, he had many other behavioral problems. He would dart out of the house any chance he got (sometimes went after the neighbors in their own yard); he was housetrained, but not enough to let us know when he needed to go out sometimes (we’d take him out and stay out with him for five minutes or more, come in, and then minutes later find fresh dog poop behind the living room chair… his favorite spot); and he barked all the time. We’d take him for long walks and those times he’d do better, but not always. If we put him out back, he’d bark and dig. He knew both were wrong, because I trained him. But as soon as I was out of his sight (he knew when I was too far to discipline him) he’d start digging or barking. He had his own pen where he was allowed to dig, but the barking drove everyone nuts. I tried collars for the barking, but after a while, he either ignored it or got used to it. It was frustrating because he knew when he was misbehaving, but also knew when he could get away with it… when he was out of our reach. And he was difficult to discipline because he was so damn fast! I took him to group dog obedience classes and hired a private trainer once. He was great when she was here, but didn’t respect us in the same way.

All that said, I loved playing with him and cuddling with him. He would sleep in our bed at night, under the covers, in the bend of my knees. He loved to play and do tricks and go for walks. I miss him and I don’t miss him. It’s much, much, MUCH more peaceful around here without him. But, I’m going to want another dog someday.

Tags

What the heck are tags? I don’t think I understand this concept. I think they are words you add outside of your post that let potential readers know what subject or subjects your post is about. I’ve only actually done that once, until now. That was my post about my family’s trip around the upstate New York countryside last fall. I added “autumn leaves” as a tag. So, on my stats page it shows “Number of tags: 1″. OK, so that makes sense, but I swear that at one point my number of tags showed like 10 or something… maybe not, but I’m pretty sure. So, what gives?

I know this is a lame post. I just want to see if I get any more hits if I add a few tags to it. If so, maybe I’ll add tags to past posts. Then, I’ll delete this lame one.

Peace.

Teachers

Rosie had a good “Say What?” question today. “Tell me about a teacher who changed your life.” I wrote that I couldn’t pick just one. I figured that the teachers I remember most and those I remember liking the most are the ones I had in high school. I do not want to assume that since I don’t remember much about elementary school, that my teachers from K-6 didn’t change my life… or at least give me a good start. They’re the ones who taught me to read. They must be the ones who made math interesting… I love math and have a bachelor’s degree in mathematics. They could also be the ones who did not help me out with building up physical strength, but I suppose a lot of that is genetic, according to my father.

Anyway, I’m sure I liked school from kindergarten through 4th grade. Those teachers were Mrs. Cook, Mrs. Bachner, Mrs. McGowen (spelling might be wrong), Mrs. Martin, and Mrs. Wickham. Besides Mrs. Wickham in 4th grade, we changed classes for reading and another subject and so I had two other teachers, Mr. Katz was the name of the one and the reading teacher’s name I do not remember. Although I don’t remember her name, I remember her a little. She came to school one day wearing dark sunglasses. She apologized and said that she had just found out that a close friend had committed suicide. I had never heard that word before. But, I figured it out really quickly. Also, that year was my first play. It was called “Rebellious Robots.” I didn’t know what the word “rebellious” meant, but being in a play was fun.

Then my family moved and I went to three different schools in 5th grade. The first one I had a teacher named Mrs. Hinton. She was really, really old (I think). I hated that school, but Mrs. Hinton was ok for an old lady, I suppose. For P.E. (we always called it “gym” in my old school) I had this huge, army sergent-type man for a teacher. In my memory, he was Louis Gossett, Jr. in “An Officer and a Gentleman” only twice the muscle… more of an Apollo Creed body type. Why he was teaching weak little girls P.E. and making us climb poles I will never understand. He should have been coaching football or something.

My second 5th grade was a much nicer school. My teacher’s name was Mrs. Hickey. I knew what a hickey was… my babysitter and her boyfriend used to “neck” out on the front porch… so I knew. I barely remember that teacher. I was only there for 3 or 4 months. But, I must have learned something.

My third 5th grade teacher was Mrs. Blauvelt. Of all my 5th grade teachers, she was my favorite. She reminded me very, very much of Mrs. Wickham (4th grade). I thought for sure they must be sisters, but that was not likely since they had the same first name. Since it was my third school in a year, I struggled a bit that year, but I really think if I had spent the whole 5th grade in Mrs. Blauvelt’s class, I would have enjoyed that year so much more.

When I was in 6th grade, that was still considered elementary school. Mr. Brown was my teacher. I really liked him. He was very, very funny (he probably still is). He used to play chess and the stock market. And he definitely favored the girls in class. I think I realize now why most early grades have female teachers. Girls learn VERY fast how to take advantage of men. I’m not talking in a sexual way, but it is kind of flirty, I guess. My gym teacher that year was Mrs. Crumb. I still see her around from time to time. She’s retired, of course. She’s very, very nice.

That brings me to high school (junior high included). I had a few teachers who I liked personally, but they weren’t the best teachers; some I didn’t like on a personal level AT ALL, who taught me SO MUCH; and of course the best of both and the worst of both. Teachers I remember: Mr. Ikwild, Mr. Mason, Mrs. McKinnon, Mrs. Daniels, Mr. Eggleston, Mrs. Reynolds, Mr. Teter, Mr. Treyz, Mr Ryall, Mrs. Hughes, Mr. Montello, Miss Martin, Mr. Mazzatelli, Mr. Grannan, Mrs. Lewis, Mrs. Thompson, Miss Cushing, Mr. Storman, Mr. Zimski (HATED HIM IN EVERY WAY!), Mr Geers, Mr. Shapley, Mrs. Levee, Mr. Welcher, Mrs. Barrows “B”, Mr. Bub, and last, but not least, Mrs. Ross.

I can’t say who my favorite was, but I know at the time I had the most admiration for Mrs. Hughes. Since then, I found out some disturbing stuff about her. That doesn’t change the fact that she saved my Chemistry grade and was an outstanding teacher. Another couple teachers who were right up there on my list were Mr. Welcher (choir and music), Miss Martin (Social Studies, which I didn’t enjoy, and yearbook editor, which I did enjoy), Mrs. B (gym), and La Senora Ross (guess).

In college I barely remember any teacher who had a great effect on me, but I really enjoyed Mr. Wood, one of my computer programming teachers. The only other one I can think of worth mentioning was Kelly Morgan, my Acting for Non-majors teacher. That was my favorite class I ever took and he was super sweet and nice on the eyes as well.

So, that’s it. I wouldn’t want to be a teacher. I thought for a long time that I did, but it’s way too hard for me to even explain what’s going through my head to one person, let alone a whole class full.

They have Teacher Appreciation Day each year now at my kids’ school. I don’t remember anything like that back when I was a kid. That’s so sad. I hope they felt appreciated anyway, but something tells me they didn’t get nearly the recognition they deserved.

Thank God in Heaven for teachers!

One post for American Idol

I didn’t take the time to post my opinions of American Idol this season, even though I enjoyed this season very much and had a few things to say.  I’ll just do it all now… the morning after the finale; the morning of the finale results. 

Right from the get-go, back when they brought on the final 24, I have loved that little David Archuleta. When he first started singing, I remember it just made me smile.  I enjoyed him so much and I was happily surprised at his ability to entertain.

He’s not the only one I like, though.  I enjoyed this season so much because there weren’t any real duds in the entire top 24.  There were a couple I would have put in the top 12 instead of a couple who ended up there, but mostly I liked everyone anyway.  They can’t all win, so I can live with the way it went.

I started to get a little annoyed with the judges, however.  Even though Simon wasn’t his usual obnoxious self for most of the season, it was easy to see who he wanted in the finale.  He knows that “The Davids” were the money makers for him.  David Archuleta will sell to the teen and old lady crowd and David Cook to just about everyone else.  So, when Syesha blew them away last week and several other times before, the judges, especially Simon, gave her false bad feedback.  I mean, as much as I like both of the Davids, they kind of sucked last week. Syesha didn’t in any way.  That’s why I think the judges should just shut up at this point.  If they could sit there and critique without being biased, that would be great, but it’s completely obvious that they were looking at dollar signs or pressured by the producers for that reason.

That said, I would like to voice my opinion on last night’s performances.  During the first round, I thought they were both really, really good.  Vocally, David Archuleta was better, but David Cook was very entertaining and unique.  The second round I liked both songs.  I thought they each picked songs that fit their own styles and personalities… way better than that lame song last year!  Both were performed equally well in my opinion. And the last song for each was also excellent for both of them.  I liked that David Cook sang a song he’d never performed before, but David Archuleta’s rendition of Imagine was so great the first time, I didn’t mind hearing it again.

So, do I care who wins? No.  Would I like to make a prediction? Well, OK.  I think it will be David Archuleta.  Why? I don’t know.  I just think he’s the American Idol type, I guess.  I also think I’ve heard more people say that they like him the most, the judges have favored him all season, and although they’ve been just as nice to David Cook, I have a feeling Cook is like Bo Bice and Chris Daughtry… and Blake Lewis, kinda… not quite pop enough.

********************* UPDATE–after the results show ************************

OK… so I was wrong. Wow! That was a really entertaining show!  I loved all the duets!  One thing about this season that I really didn’t enjoy and forgot to mention earlier is the group songs on elimination night each week.  For one thing, David Cook and Jason Castro, among a few of the others, look totally out of place doing that Osmond Brothers/Mickey Mouse Club kind of performance.  The other problem is that as opposed to other seasons’ finalists, all of these are lead singers and their styles are so different from each other that they didn’t blend well at all.  Last year, maybe because a few of them were professional backup singers, the group songs were quite entertaining.  Anyway, tonight I really loved the song the Davids sang together and a few of the group numbers were good.  I also enjoyed David Cook with ZZ Top, Brooke with Graham Nash, and that they had Jason sing Hallelujah again (I love that song!)  I thought Carly and Michael’s duet was terrific and I liked Kristy Leigh Cook’s parts (I always thought she was better than they gave her credit for).

Good for David Cook! I feel a little bit bad for David Archuleta. Although he doesn’t have anything to worry about.  I doubt his career would be any different. David Cook would still sell more albums in the long run.  But, I think David Cook could have handled second place better.  Oh, well.  They both did great and now my Tuesday and Wednesday nights are completely free, Yippee!!!

I might need a little Anger Management

I’m not talking about the movie with Adam Sandler and Jack Nicholson… I really didn’t enjoy that one.  I’m talking about my recent reaction to a phone call that I made.  I called an insurance company to get a question answered.  It wasn’t a difficult question, but not one that would be answerable by any automated system.  I had to speak to a person.  My problem was that there was absolutely no option offered to speak with a person.  After about 5 minutes of going around in circles with the automated system and getting nowhere, I pressed the zero key about eight times really quickly.  Usually, when you need a live person, you can press the zero like twice.  Every time I tried that, I got, “I’m sorry.  I didn’t get that. Please say or press 1 for blah, blah, blah, Say or press 2 for …”  Still no choice offered for a live person.  So, I just about threw the phone across the room.  After I did finally get a person to talk with, she ended up transferring me to the proper department… of course, when you get a person by pressing zero eight times, you shouldn’t expect that first one to be able to help you, right? Yeah.  So, she transfered me and I thought, “Oh well, at least I’m getting somewhere now.”  Right? NO! She transfered me to another automated system! Only this one was worse!  Especially since I was starting to get really angry, aggitated, frustrated, and impatient.  So, I started swearing at the recording, “You’re a fucking IDIOT!!!”  “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that. Please say or press 1 for blah, blah, blah…” “No SHIT!!!” “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that…”  “That’s because you SUCK!!!” Finally, I just pressed zero repeatedly until I finally heard, “I’ll transfer you to someone who can help you.”  By that time I was so angry, of course the nice guy who was unfortunate enough to be the one to help me got my wrath and blame.  Luckily for both of us, he was able to answer my question within a short moment.  I had calmed down just enough in that minute or two to thank him and  wish him a nice day before hanging up. 

A little later, my husband came into the room and asked me, “Were you slamming the phone earlier?”  I had to confess.  I told him I know it’s very childish, but I cannot help it.  Every time I get one of those damn things, I feel the heat raise up in my face and my whole body just tenses up.  I tell myself to be patient and follow the instructions and maybe the automated system will actually be able to answer my question.  Then, I find out (EVERY TIME) that if I have a question I can’t answer on my own, it’s NEVER a question that can be answered by an automated system.  So what good are they?  I can only suppose that they are for real boneheads who can’t figure anything out on their own.  What else could it be?  They might be boneheads, but I’ll bet they don’t slam the phone and swear at recordings.  Lord, help me!